Whoever Brings The Night
by MaryJade
Summary: Bella's world is enveloped in emptiness when Edward leaves her, promising never to return. But his absence does not stop wheels already set in motion, and Victoria's retribution promises darkness beyond what Edward feared. *Indefinite Hiatus*
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just enjoy messing around with them.**_

_**--**_

I sat and waited, taking in the view around me. The cliffs over LaPush beach, and indeed, the view they presented, were both breathtakingly beautiful. The clouds rolled lazily across the sky, casting a gray pallor to anything underneath them, which was, in this case, absolutely everything. When I had first seen the dismal days that prevailed in Forks, Washington, my sun drenched eyes had recoiled. It had been what seemed like ages since then. My sensibilities had changed. I still didn't think of gray as beautiful, per say, but it echoed well the emptiness left in my heart. I don't know that I could've stomached the sun anymore. It was too bright, too happy. The clouds let me be sad. Let me wallow in the pain. I suppose it is a selfish sentiment, to want that, but I was quite beyond caring.

Happiness felt unnatural anywhere but here, on the reservation. And even the happiness I felt here was stilted, different. It was a gray happiness. It pulled me out of my endless waking night, the never ending nightmares, if only for a time. It was my compromise. I knew that had I given myself completely over to the darkness that was left in the awful wake of his departure, I would have ceased to exist. A part of me wanted that. A part of me wanted to stop feeling everything. Happiness, pain, desire, love... none of it really mattered in the end. All it ever left on anyone was scars. And yet the other part of me wanted to live. A silly desire, when I thought about it, but it was voracious. The two parts of me warred against each other constantly. But while the battle raged, I humored the part of me that longed to see the view from these cliffs, to enjoy company, if even slightly.

I slipped my shoes off my feet and set them to the side, curling my toes around the end of the rocks, peering cautiously over the edge to the drop below. I wondered what it would be like to fall so far. The thought occurred to me idly that I would not have to wait long to find out. As soon as Jacob joined me, that was exactly what we would be doing: cliff diving.

I chuckled absently to myself. I could barely dive off the side of a pool, much less a diving board. No, leave it to me these days to take something I could hardly do at all and make myself do it at a ridiculous difficulty level. It should've frightened me. I should have been scared silly. Yet as I sat on the edge of the cliffs, watching the water so far below me crash wildly against the rocks, I realized I hardly felt anything. I suppose that's why I was willing to do this in the first place. I would force myself to feel an emotion that didn't lead to sobbing.

I let go of my knees, that I had unconsciously been hugging, and scooted back from the edge slightly. Dusting my hands off, I pushed myself off the ground and scanned the area around me, searching for any sign of Jacob. I had completely lost track of time while I was lost in thought, but now that I had managed to pull myself back to reality, my impatience began to build. The idea of flying off the cliffs, of being free from the ground, from myself, from everything but the laws of gravity, even if only for a few seconds was so intoxicating that waiting for him was becoming much more difficult.

I shrugged out of my jacket and let it fall to the ground, pooling around my feet while I discarded my socks on top of my shoes and dug my toes into the rock and dirt. My eyes closed themselves as the wind kicked up around me, bearing on it the smell of water and earth and rain. A small smile that I couldn't help pulled at the corners of my mouth. The scent was so clean, so inviting, that when the wind swirled around me, tugging me forward, I felt myself take a tiny step towards the edge.

This movement stopped me a moment. I opened my eyes and looked around me again. Jacob was nowhere to be found. I sighed inwardly and took another small step forward. The eagerness I had been entertaining before had reared again, tugging me forward, enticing me over, promising me freedom.

My toes had reached the edge of the cliff again, digging impatiently over the rock, gripping it. I glanced over the edge one last time before I lifted my chin and pushed myself away from the rock that held me to the earth.

For less than a moment I hung, what seemed motionless in the air, gazing down with wide eyes at the water below before my stomach lurched angrily to my throat. Suddenly the cliffs were rushing faster and faster past my eyes, and I was _flying_... I tucked my head down and pulled my arms around it as I flew. The wind that had been so enticing before was whistling excitedly in my ears, urging me on. God, I wanted to go faster, and yet never wanted to reach the bottom. The water below was rushing up to swallow me, envelop me. I attempted to streamline myself as much as possible. Pending my survival of this jump, I could concievably jump again. Driven by that thought, I tried to make my entry as easy as possible.

My hands parted the water before me like a knife as I torpedoed through the dark depths. It was _cold_. The water closed heavily around me, still rushing, like the air had been, but much more angry. It pulled at me viciously, tugging at my clothes, my hair, my skin. I peeled my eyes open to see only darkness, and quailed inwardly as the cold seeped through my body. It was hateful, that cold.

I thought of Jacob, my personal sun. How I wanted his warmth... I opened my mouth to call for him, but water flowed bitterly through my teeth and down into my lungs. I couldn't speak, couldn't breath... I scrambled vainly for the surface until I realized with a sinking feeling that I had no idea where the surface actually was. I was drowning... dieing... A part of me was hardly surprised but the errant thought flashed through my mind that I would never be able to fly again...

My body went limp with that realization, the cold seeping further into my chest, the water pushing me violently back and forth. The pain in my lungs was growing more and more unbearable by the moment. I wanted to scream, wanted to cry, wanted for it to be over and not to feel anything anymore, when suddenly a sharp pain in my arm pulled me back into focus.

_I must have hit something. I must have hit it hard..._ My right arm felt broken. My first thought was that the waves had finally carried me back towards the cliffs and were now dashing me against rocks and beach and who knew what else. But I hit nothing more. The waves were still swirling past me, but they seemed to be resisting me. I was moving... against the water? I cracked my eyes as my sight began to fade away from me and glanced at my arm.

Fingers... pale white, slender, and perfect, were clutching my broken arm, splinters of bone showing between them. That was all I knew before the darkness took me.


	2. Chapter 2

_**I apologize that these opening chapters are slightly on the short side. Longer ones are coming, bear with me :)**_

_**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, or the Twilight story.**_

The first thing I became aware of is that I was laying still. The world seemed to shift and move around me, but for some unknown reason I remained where I was. The second thing I realized is that I was breathing. It was slow, and it was shallow, but there was air entering my lungs. And lastly, that this act caused me an excruciating amount of pain. It was all I could do to squeeze my eyes shut and convince myself to keep breathing. The agony was all that kept me aware of anything at the moment, and conversely enough, it threatened to pull me back under into the blackness, down below the roaring in my ears.

I heard a noise to my side as my chest heaved up and down heavily. It was a short laugh, but far to venomous to be a chuckle. It took a world of concentration to open my eyes, and what I saw made me wish that I hadn't made the effort.

A mane of firey orange hair framed and petite face that was smirking down at me. I wanted to close my eyes again but her blood-red eyes had captured me. Her stare seemed to rip into me, dissecting me, and tearing me into pieces. I was going to die again. Twice in one day... if it was even the same day. She had saved me from drowning just so she could have the honor of seeing the light go out of my eyes herself. The small part of my mind that had any room to process information wondered at how horribly..._ Victoria_ that seemed. The rest of my brain was just hoping she would make it quick. Perhaps she would just break my neck and be done with it. But somehow, as I locked eyes with her, I didn't think it would be quite so simple. I opened my mouth to scream.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Victoria's smirk had turned into a hideous sneer, leering over me. The soft, high, soprano voice that escaped from her lips startled me back into silence as my jaw clicked shut. She rocked back on her heels, crouching next to me, examining me methodically. My eyes followed her every movement.

"You can't imagine the trouble you put me through." Her voice interrupted my inward silence again. My voice remained still, as I doubt very seriously she intended for me to answer her. "Not only were you ridiculously difficult to get ahold of, when I finally do find you, you're almost dead already." Her eyes flicked back to my face, appraising me. "You must have been quite a handful for dear Edward."

_Edward..._ No... no not the name... I had shielded myself from his name... as well as I could. The name that held the memories, flooding back to me now. His smile... his hair... his eyes... the glorious way his arms felt when the held me close... I felt a silent tear slide eagerly down my cheek. A short laugh sounded as I turned my head slightly away.

"Yes... that has complicated things a bit hasn't it, darling?" Suddenly she crouched in front of my eyes again, gripping my chin firmly in her delicate fingers. "Would he even care anymore if I hurt you?" She dropped her eyes to my arm. My gaze followed hers until I saw my upper arm, crushed, mutilated, bleeding onto the sand beneath me. "I suppose that answers my question." Victoria stood, pacing away from me.

As she left my field of vision, I saw behind her, to the waves crashing violently on shore. I was still on the beach. The roaring in my ears was simply the waves, taunting me, laughing at me at how carelessly I had thrown what very little I had left in this life away. Her voice pulled me again back into reality.

"So I don't suppose breaking your other arm would do much good." She eyed me critically. It occurred to me that she was trying to figure out what the hell to do with me. As if she had read my thoughts off my face, she perked an eyebrow and glared at me. "Don't worry. I'll think of something... I'm very good at adapting..." Her voice trailed off at the end as she eyed me again.

Kneeling swiftly, Victoria slipped an arm underneath my shoulders and propped me up slightly, sending a new wave of pain through me. I felt her breath wash over my face as she inhaled my scent. "Well... I certainly can't fault the boy for one thing. He has excellent taste..." She leaned over my neck, descending slowly. Her lips brushed my skin and every atom in my body recoiled from its touch. I was shaking, sobbing, waiting for the piercing feeling. Wondering how Charlie was going to feed himself without me. What would Jacob do to himself when he realized what had happened... Hows and whats and ifs sped through my mind as I cringed and waited... and waited...

After a few long seconds passed, I opened my eyes tentatively. She was still over me, cradling me, but her glare had turned to one of appraisal. She was no longer above my skin, ready to devour me. "Interesting," she crooned, "Perhaps my alternative has already presented itself." Her words fell on me, confusion following in their wake. I had... absolutely no idea what on earth she meant. "Regardless," her said, her voice chipper again, "it's nap time. Bye bye, beautiful."

She raised her left hand and I watch it ball swiftly into a fist and begin to descend towards my head. I knew no more.

--

I woke to darkness, darkness and excruciating pain in my hand. I felt as though I had been sliced, the bones beneath the skin bruised and angry. I smelled rust and salt and felt the warm liquid oozing down my fingers. _Shit, that HURTS..._ was all I could think as I grunted and tried to sit up. On the bright side, I was still alive, which, previously, I had been not at all sure of.

I raised my hand a blood ran slowly down the length of my wrist as I felt around me for a wall or a door. Below me was still sand... I couldn't be far from where she dragged me the first time. It wasn't long until my fingers found rock, and I attempted to stand. Unfortunately, the arm that I was to prop myself up with was still painfully broken. I collapsed back to the ground, gasping in pain and clutching my arm. It was then that I heard a soft laughter.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." How I hated that beautiful voice. "You think it hurts now..." She laughed again.

A soft light assailed my eyes, and I looked miserably to where Victoria was standing a few feet from me, a lighter flipped open in her fingers. She smiled sweetly at me as I glared at her for a few moments before gesturing towards me. "Take a look."

Instinctively I obeyed, glancing down. My arm was twisted to ruin, my clothes were disgusting, and my hand... My hand was covered in blood that was still flowing freely from a large crescent shaped wound, right over where my scar from last year should be.

Her laugh was wicked and triumphant, followed by her guttural growl, "James sends his love."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thanks to everybody who's taken the time to read :). Hits and reviews brighten my day. Here's the next chapter!**_

--

I can only vaguely recount the occurrences of what I can only assume was the next few days. Both my waking moments and my unconscious ones were ruled by absolute agony. The difference between the two is that my unconscious moments were pitch darkness, where as when I was awake, I could weakly survey whatever damage I had taken.

Victoria had taken it upon herself to build a small driftwood fire in what I would come to realize was a cave. She never touched or harmed me while I was awake, that I know of. I only remember her sitting by the wall of the cave, smiling slightly as I screamed.

Whenever I woke, there was always some new injury to discover. I had no way of knowing how long I had been in the cave with Victoria, but it was long enough for me to sustain a dislocated shoulder, a broken lower leg, a shattered kneecap, a wrist broken in multiple places, a few broken ribs, a gash along my forehead, and a few missing teeth that complimented a split lip, all in addition to my fractured arm from our first meeting.

The tiny part of my mind that allowed itself some sane thought through the nightmare found it rather odd that I had remembered sustaining none of these injuries. Yet while my lungs screamed and sobbed, it rationalized that it probably had something to do with the fact that none of these wounds could compare even slightly to the slow fire that had begun spreading from the insidious wound in my hand.

It was my very own definition of agony. When I lost myself into my own dark mind, the bleeding and shattered bones mercifully disappeared, but that god forsaken fire continued to creep and burn along my skin. When I first realized the twinge that signaled the beginning of the blaze, I could hardly speak, hardly breathe. This lasted, of course, only a moment, before I would have taken my hand off of my body if I possibly could have managed it. It occurred to me belatedly that my broken wrist was probably the only wound I had given myself.

Every time I opened my eyes to the firelight, I was should that I would find nothing but ash and charred flesh where once I had been. And yet, instead of the nothing I was waiting for, I found instead some new gushing wound, a new source of pain, that spoke only to my being very much alive. And the waiting smile from Victoria assured me of everything that I had already assumed.

It gave me a small amount of comfort to know that at least death was not quite that painful. That comfort was what drove me to wish for it. Pain did not exist in death, and I wanted only to be free of my pyre. I wanted to end the flame that devoured me, the fire that burned through my blood and flesh, only to sink further into the very marrow of my bones. Each and every lick of the heat earned a shriek of unintelligible sobs.

Victoria at times, I suppose, tried to engage me in some sort of conversation. But I either did not understand her, or simply didn't care what she was saying. When she was tired of my screaming, she would forcibly silence me, generally with unconsciousness.

--

Hour after hour must have passed while I was locked in nothing more than my own personal hell. I had no sense for the passage of time whatsoever, and only wondered how long it was going to take until my poor body succumbed to its injuries and stilled, never to move again.

So I was mildly surprised when some time later, I woke to something other than the sound of my own screams. I kept my eyes closed and listened to the quiet. It was quiet... but not silent. I heard the intake of my own breath, slow and steady. I heard a dull roaring in my ears that seemed to fill the cave, and the crackling of the fire. I heard Victoria's steps as she threw another piece of driftwood on top of the flame. I heard a gentle rustle as she settled herself back against the cave wall.

I inhaled slowly and smelled ash and smoke, salt sea water. I smelled a sweet, oddly familiar scent that could only have been Victoria. There was a foul smell on the air that I concluded could only be my bloodstained, filthy clothes. Over the reek, however, the were was a faint smell of freesia on the wind that calmed me greatly.

I redirected my attention to the stillness I felt for a moment before the realization came to me. The heart that had been railing against the inside of my ruined ribs for what seemed like eternity was still. Not simply calm, but utterly still... and unmoving.

I snapped my eyes open to surveyed myself. The small light from the tiny driftwood fire was more than enough light to see every minute detail of the scene. My clothes were still torn and filthy. There was still blood dried under me that must have been days old. My hair was matted and disgusting. But there were no bruises. There were no cuts. There was no pain. I sat up quickly and checked my arms, and my legs. The bones that had shattered before were now set and perfect, under pale, porcelain skin, that was infinitely more delicately beautiful than mine had ever been.

I threw an arm out to the wall to steady myself against the shock of what I was seeing, only to have the wall shudder as I struck it, pieces of rock crumbling away and raining down on the sand. I pulled my perfect hand in front of my face and stared, aghast at what I had done, and gasped.

The quick movement of air down my throat started a blaze that was only slightly less agonizing than the one I had just come through. Though the air was humid and sweet, it did nothing to cool the desert that my throat had apparently become. God, it felt like the very movement through my neck would make it crumble and shatter away with thirst. It was then that I realized the thought of water did nothing to calm my mind. I didn't want water...

I sniffed slowly and noticed the disgusting stale blood below me seemed to be beckoning to me. My stomach almost quailed at the thought, and would have, had it not desired the taste of the soiled earth below me as much as my mouth did. The unbearable feeling drove me up and forward, on my knees, crouching over my own deathbed.

Before I knew what was happening, I was shoveling as much of the stained sand into my mouth as I could. I knew I couldn't eat it, but I just wanted the taste. The smell was old, stale, and mixed with sand, but the taste... god it was just exactly what I needed. But I needed more than a taste. I needed something fresh and hot running down my throat, quenching and filling me.

I retched out the sand that filled my mouth before scooping up another hand full, poised to fill my mouth again when a voice to my side made me stop.

"Bella..."

It was not the high soprano I had been expecting to hear. It wasn't the sneer that had greeted all my waking moments for as long as my mind could reach back.

Before I realized what had happened, I was crouched, my hands... or my claws... buried shallowly in the sand, my back pressed against the semisolid cave wall. More dust and gravel was falling around me in response to the impact.

Where I had expected to see firey hair framing a petite, grotesquely beautiful face, I saw instead something entirely different. A woman with short dark hair, that swayed gently in the minute breeze that reached us in the depths of this hole. She was petite, a pixie with slight frame and tiny hands and beautiful golden eyes...

Shoked by a wave of memory, I croaked hoarsely, astonished to hear that the voice issuing from what felt like my ruined throat pealed like bells across the small expanse between us.

"...Alice?"

--

The few seconds of silence the passed between us after my realization were heavy with unspoken words. Alice Cullen sat a few feet away from me. The first thought that passed through my mind was utter relief. My best friend, my dear sister whom I thought I would never see again was sitting in this dank cave with me. I had but to feel the impulse to suddenly fly across the room, hugging her to me fiercely. Remnants of sand fell from my lips and down her back as I muttered, "Alice, Alice, oh Alice..."

"Bella... honey..." she grunted at me. I felt her arms move between us, and it was then I realized she wasn't yet hugging me in return. I was puzzled until she gasped out, "Bella... you're hurting me..." Quicker than lightning I was off her, suddenly remembering that her body, which had always been so cold and solid to me, gave warmly under my embrace.

I crouched across from her again, studying her, remorse in my eyes. In my enthusiasm for seeing her again I had hurt her.

"Bella..." she began again, brushing herself off and gazing at me with pity, inching towards me slowly, "Bella I am so sorry..."

The pain in her eyes could not mask the quick dart they took over my new body. I followed them with my own look, only now realizing what I'm sure some part of me already knew. The perfect body, the acute senses, the dizzying strength, and the roaring ache in my throat caused by the stale blood on the ground.

_Vampire..._ My thoughts reeled. I remembered wanting this. I remembered longing for immortality so that I could forever be with... with him. To never have to worry about our being parted, and live eternally in the sweet embrace of his love was all I could think of for so long.

_But he doesn't love you anymore._ The insidious voice in my head colored what could have been an uplifting scene into something dark and terrible. Edward didn't want me anymore. He made that perfectly clear and I had suffered ever since for it. And now... now Victoria had cursed me into suffering even more acute pain for eternity.

A dry sob heaved out of my chest, and I looked at Alice, her stricken face deepening my sorrow.

"I'm so...I'm..." Alice's chest heaved with dry sobs to match mine before her words spilled out in a tumble that I could barely catch, even with my new ears. "This wasn't supposed to happen Bella. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I can't believe... oh god I wasn't fast enough and now...I'm so sorry Bella I couldn't see, I didn't know, I tried... I tried..." Her voice was breaking. She dashed forward to me, wrapping her arms around me tightly. I curled my arms around her waist gently and sobbed, tearless and gasping.

It seemed like eternities that we sat there, clutching at each other, nearly unmoving. In reality, the observant part of my brain noted, it was only four and a half minutes.

Alice loosened her hold on me and sat back, appraising. A sad smile graced her lips as she pushed a matted lock of hair away from my face. "I've never seen anyone look so beautiful and so awful all at the same time." I half sobbed, half laughed at her.

"Why are you here Alice?" I voiced my question, leaving so many others locked away. Where was Victoria? How long had I been here? How long had Alice been here? What was I going to do now...?

Alice's pained smile wavered a moment as she stroked my cheek. "I came to... well what I wanted was..." She huffed out a breath, "I saw Victoria with you. I didn't know what would happen, as she kept changing her mind as to what she was going to do with you. I got here as fast as I could, but by the time she had decided what to do... it was too late."

I nodded. Knowing as much as I knew about Alice's visions, I could have assumed as much. The more pressing question was on my lips before I knew it.

"Alice... why did you leave?"

My voice was quieter than the noises surrounding my tiny new world, but I knew she heard me. Her face fell and pain flashed across it. "Bella I didn't have a choice. We weren't to interfere with your life anymore. He asked me not even to look for you to see if all would be well. I couldn't deny him that. Edward was so-"

My head snapped up at his name, pain etched across my marble face. He had made them leave. He had torn his love away from me, leaving a bigger hole in my life than if it had never existed, and he took them away too. He took it all away.

"Why." I managed to grunt out.

Alice's eyes and voice softened, "Edward just want-"

I shoved her roughly away from me. It was more rough, perhaps than I intended. "**Don't** say his name. Just tell me why."

Alice quailed a moment, her eyes fixed me with a hurt expression that at any other time would have broken my heart. But my heart had already been broken. And beyond that, it had been stopped completely.

"_He_," she began again, "just thought that your life would be much better if we, all of us, had never been in it. It was his request that you have the most... the most normal life possible. And it wouldn't be that way if we stayed. We honored his wish."

The hole in my chest was an open wound, pouring misery out of it, spreading a terrifying numbness through my entire body. My new body, while more aware of the physical world around me, seemed to have a much larger volume of space to be filled by a gray nothingness.

"Normal..." I whispered, turning my eyes to Alice. "This is what he calls normal?" My voice broke on the last word.

Alice flinched as though I had slapped her. "Bella, honey, this isn't at all what Edw-"

"_**NO"**_ I cut her off. My hands flew to my ears, trying to block out his name. I couldn't hear it again. But the chasm in my chest had heard and understood. It lurched in me as though my heart were still alive and breaking all over again. "No no no no no no no!"

Before I had the strength to understand what was going on, I was on my feet, the ground flying beneath me as I bound and ran out and away, to the source of the roaring waves. I had to leave, had to get out, had to go anywhere, be anything other than myself.

I rushed out the cave mouth, barely even noticing the cloudy day above me, or the waves crashing angrily in front of me. I turned and leaped, clutching to the sheer rock face as my fingers dug into the soft cliffs. I scrambled up the cliffs as fast as my new iron fingers would carry me, pulling chunk after chunk of rock out of the cliff face. I heard Alice's voice below me, calling me down, but I didn't care. I didn't want to hear her, didn't want to think about her, or anything.

The burn in my throat flared again as I reached the top of the cliff face and smelled the wildlife in the distance and all around me. I didn't even glance behind me as I dropped to a crouch and darted away into the forest. I would forget everything, if only for a little while. Forget human, forget vampire, forget Bella.

I lost myself in the hunt.


	4. Chapter 4

_**This update was a little later than I had planned it due to technical difficulties. I know there hasn't been alot of dialogue just yet, but it's coming I promise :). Again, thanks to all who've reviewed and added to alert lists. Y'all rock my little world.**_

-**_ MJ_**

--

The ground gave softly beneath my feet as I rocketed deeper into the forest and farther away from the accursed beach. With every leap I took, I carried myself further and further away from the broken shell of a person that I was. I gave the beast that had been planted inside me free reign and followed where my thirst took me.

I inhaled a sharp breath, and the smells of the forest rose up to greet me. The sweet smell of new life pushing up and growing out, to the sweet cloying smell of rot and death. I could sense them all, simultaneously, and yet perfectly experience each one.

The greenery around me was nearly a blur as I flew past it. Branches and leaves reached out to me as I passed, kissing my skin gently. I could see tiny drops of dew sparkling on thousands of different blades of grass. I remembered a similar scene that I had experience through hazy eyes, frightened, slung over a shoulder...

Tiny dust motes swirled in and out of the shafts of light that managed to penetrate to the forest floor. I pushed myself faster, weaving in and out and between the shafts of light.

Weaving and dodging I ran, on and on, for the better portion of an hour. I pushed myself further and further, waiting for my lungs to ache, for my legs to protest. But the longer I ran, the more aware I became that, while I was waiting for my body to slow and stall beneath me, it was not going to happen. It was a heady feeling to know that I could run as far and as fast as I wanted. To never need rest, or anything at all other than...

The bittersweet smell assailed my nose mid stride.

I had but to sense it and I pivoted round, sling-shotting off on a route perpendicular to the one I had been running. The smell led me onward as the monster in my throat roared, its ire wakened. Three bounds down my new path, and I leaped. I sliced through the air and my toes settled gently on a branch, some thirty feet from where I had jumped. I paused a moment and inhaled deeply.

_North, North-West...by a stream..._ It was as if the scent were pointing me in the right direction, painting a picture of the scene I hunted in my mind. The smell was not nearly as enticing as the aroma I had experienced before, rising from my own deathbed. But better than that, this promised to be fresh, and hot. The bitter sweet smell pulled at the strings of my hunger and I dashed off again.

I stayed above ground, swinging from and alighting on branch after branch, carrying myself a few miles closer to my prey. Abruptly and silently I stopped, as the dense greenery opened up into a small clearing. A stream meandered lazily through its middle, singing quietly to itself over the rocks. Thick grasses pushed themselves back from its banks all the way to the tree line I was perched in.

There, crouched over the bank, its claw dangling in and out of the water. A massive grizzly sat, fishing for whatever swam past him. A small, feral smile crept to my lips as I realized the fish in the stream knew more of their predator than the bear knew of his. His back was towards me, and his movement gave no sign that he had detected me.

My smile curled into to a snarl as I crouched and sprang the short distance between us. The bear gave a grunt and a short yelp as I struck him, carrying him over the stream to roll on the grasses beyond. We came to rest in a cloud of dust and grass and dirt. I was on my back, staring up at the massive creature. The bear's eyes were glazed over in shock and rage. I heard his roar begin in his throat, long before it had ever passed his teeth.

I reached up, almost gently, weaving my fingers in under the matted fur below his jaw as he thrashed. I tighened my grip, and with a sharp twist of my hands, a loud crack echoed through the clearing. Stillness followed, the bear limp in my hands. I heard its monstrous heart thumping out its final, farewell thrums, and I was overwhelmed.

I flipped him quickly and dove for his throat, my teeth slicing through hair, skin, and muscle. The hot, sweet liquid poured out of the wound as if he had still been alive. The first taste as his life blood slid over my tongue and down my throat was sheer ecstasy. The burning fled from the deluge, and I gathered the bear up in my arms, trying to force more and more of the ambrosia into me.

It was only a few, brief moments until my first kill ran dry. I stood, dropping him roughly to the earth, a vicious, gaping wound opening his throat nearly half its diameter. I grimaced slightly at my sloppy work, but it mattered little. The bear was dead, and the fire in my throat had been reduced to a dull ache, and that was all that mattered.

A quiet shuffling sound drew my attention and I whirled around, dropping into a crouch, my teeth barred. I heard a snarl escape through the tightly clenched teeth. A tiny woman entered the clearing, intruding on my feast. But her slight frame and dark hair and strange eyes stirred my memory painfully and I rose, standing.

Alice gave me a small smile as she continued to approach. "Feel better?"

I nodded once, looking ashamed.

Alice's smile grew as she stopped a few feet in front of me. "I'm proud of you, Bella, you only growled at me once." She set her hands on my shoulders as her smile turned into a slight grimace. "I imagine you feel quite a bit better than you look..."

At her words I glanced down. The filthy clothes that I had been wearing for days were now covered in dirt and grass stains. Bits of bark and tree were jammed underneath my nails, and over it all, blood from my kill was clotting and congealing, mixing with mats of hair that I could only assume were from the bear.

As I surveyed myself, Alice handed me her knee length jacket. "Don't worry, I've got plenty of them. Let's just... let's get you home and clean."

I shrugged obediently into the coat and followed Alice out of the clearing.

--

It took some running through the forest, following Alice out to a paved road some miles away, but eventually we made it back to the car. Carlisle's black Mercedes was waiting for us, reflecting the cloud cover in its perfect black sheen. I grimaced as I realized I would probably leave some kind of stain on the interior. I wrapped Alice's coat around me a bit more tightly as I climbed in.

For the first few minutes, little but silence passed between Alice and myself as she drove. I noticed she wasn't driving at the breakneck speed the Cullens were so known for. I pushed that thought away from my mind before I dwelled too hard on it. My eyes flicked over to the window, watching the trees slide by beyond the tinted window. The minutes slowly ticked away.

I realized perfectly, of course, the exact passage of time, and I thought it quite ironic that I would be so aware of it only after it had become almost a nonentity to me. It didn't matter any more, and as if to punctuate that fact to me, it ticked away with eerie precision in my head. I gave a humorless snort as I pondered this, and Alice looked over to me with soft eyes.

"You can talk to me, if you like..." She led. Her face took on the pouty look that only Alice could give, in an effort to draw me into conversation.

"Where exactly to begin?" I muttered part to myself, in part to Alice, and in part to the trees whisking by outside my window.

Alice settled into her seat, her eyes returning to the road. "Wherever you like, Bella. We do have a bit of drive left to talk. And time after that as well..." She trailed off.

"A bit of a drive?" I glanced at her, "Is that why you're driving so slow? You want time to talk?"

She grimaced slightly before answering, "Partly. But it would still have been a fair drive."

My eyebrows creased minutely, "Where exactly were we?"

The ghost of a smile floated over Alice's lips before she set her face and answered, "I think, Bella, honey, that you're quite a bit faster now than you realize."

My mind reverted instantly to my perfectly clear memories of my flight through the forest. I had been running at a what must have been a dizzying speed for at least an hour. Though to me, it felt as natural as walking. More natural than breathing, now. A memory of riding through the forest, so quickly I thought I would be ill, and he did nothing but chuckle at me and apologize. It's entirely possible he was trying to slow himself down, for my sake... A quick calculation of distance and I realized that Alice likely had to cross over into Canada to come and get me.

"Oh." Was all I could manage after that realization.

Alice gave a sisterly smile, her eyes full of understanding. "I know it's alot to take in right now, Bella. I'll be happy to answer any questions you might have but... if you want me to shut up, just say so."

Suddenly hundreds of questions that I had pushed aside when the monster inside me reared its head welled up once more inside me, and it was merely trying to pick one to ask. In my effort to choose, one floated to the surface of my mind, and I was suddenly surprised I hadn't asked it before. "What happened to Victoria?"

Alice's eyes became hard and her face set. "I don't know. She was gone by the time I got there. Her scent was everywhere, and she couldn't have been gone long. I likely could have followed her but," her eyes flicked my way again, not a hint of bitterness in them, "I couldn't leave you like that."

I nodded, understanding, while two emotions warred in me. I couldn't imagine how much future destruction could've been stopped by Alice taking care of Victoria, but I was secretly heaving a sigh of relief. The idea of Alice fighting anything, much less Victoria, caused a gnawing fear to wake in my gut. And though I would have never admitted it before, I was glad Alice stayed with me. I had been without her so long that any time, even unconscious time, was to be treasured.

"Thank you, Alice." I whispered.

She let her right hand drift off the steering wheel and gripped my clasped hands gently, smiling at me softly. I turned my face to hers and her smile widened as I gave her a small smile in return. It was the first true sincere smile I'd had in what felt like eternity, and it settled comfortably over my features.

I settled my head back in the seat and closed my eyes, inhaling, just taking a moment to distinguish and enjoy all of the new smells I could sense. For just a little while, in here, with Alice, I would let go of the worry as best I could, for Alice's sake. My suffering had made her suffer, and I would attempt, if only for a few minutes, to relieve it for the both of us.

I heard her giggle softly as we sped through the back country.

It seemed like no time at all until I opened my eyes and the familiar drive was winding in front of me, a large beautiful house rising out of the clearing, a familiar ache stirring in my heart at the sight of it. Of course this is what Alice would mean by home...

Alice cut the engine and I followed her out and into the house that had haunted my nightmares and daydreams alike.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Posting another chapter on the same day to make up for being gone longer than intended. Enjoy :)**_

--

I followed Alice into the house, but I only vaguely saw what was in front of my eyes. Instead, I was seeing scenes from times past, through dim, human eyes. I felt my dead heart lurch painfully inside me. The house had obviously not been touched since it was last occupied. Dust and sheets covered the surfaces. But my eyes saw couches, a dining room table, a beautiful black, shining, grand piano. My ears heard the ghost of a song echoing through the house, a song I had not heard in what seemed like an eternity. A song my mind could remember with perfect, heartbreaking clarity. I could see him... If there had been any water left in my dead body it would have come pouring down my face. I could see him seated, head bent slightly over the keys. Music filled the room as I watched his fingers twist gracefully over the perfect white keys. His bronze hair swayed gently as he moved, catching the evening light, shining a bright copper. His skin sparkled faintly as the sun's last rays strayed into the room, dancing across his face. He lifted his chin slightly and raised his eyes to me, and my breath caught in my throat. His eyes glowed a beautiful molten gold, boring a hole through me and sending electricity down to my fingers and toes. My voice cracked into a devastating sob. The Greek god in front of my eyes blinked once and his lips pulled up gently into the crooked smile he knew I loved so well. He gazed at me lovingly, adoringly.

"_Bella..._" He whispered, never breaking his smile. His velvety voice washed over me like a warm, safe blanket. The sweet weight of it dropped me to my knees, my eyes still turned up to him.

My voice answered him without the permission of my mind, "_Edward..."_

I heard the piano bench creak as I saw him rise to come to me, smiling still. My song, my lullaby was still ringing, ghostlike in my ears. Overwhelmed, my heart surging painfully to my throat, I curled up on the floor, clutching at myself. I sobbed quietly and tearless. A hand stroked my hair gently, lovingly as I tried to catch my breath.

"Bella," I heard again. But it was different, higher, much more sad. "Bella, honey, please stand up." I raised my eyes again, and golden eyes were there to greet me once more, but they were not the same. Another, quieter sob slipped through my lips. The evening light had faded out of the room. The piano was not here. The house was silent, and sheets still covered every valuable that had been left. And Alice knelt in front of me, pain and concern washed off her in waves as she took my hands and helped me to my feet.

I barely saw the floor beneath my feet, the bare walls around me that once held the trappings of a home, a refuge. I barely saw anything other than the hand that led me forward, up the stairs. And yet, I noticed everything. Every tiny minuscule detail that was at all different from my last memories of this place.

Alice whisked me upstairs and into the bathroom before I had much of a chance to glance down the hallway to the very last door. Before I had the chance to see if he had left anything at all, or was he true to his word, making every effort to wipe himself out of my existence completely.

Alice maneuvered me next to the bathtub that I could hardly notice in front of me. The smells of the house that my memory upon entering had shoved aside assaulted me now with crystal clarity. I could smell every single scent that used to be here, embedded in the carpets, the walls. It was all dulled over with a stale, musty smell. But I could smell each of my adopted family perfectly, even in their absence. And his smell... god it was a potent to me as ever it had been, and even beyond that. I wanted to fall to my knees again on the ceramic and curl into a ball, smelling the scent he had left months before. It was old, and it was stale, but it was proof. Proof again that he had been here. That he had been real. That I had loved him. The realizations hit me simultaneously. The euphoria and the heartbreak wrestled constantly for control of my battered emotions.

Alice had drawn the bath and turned to undress me. I offered her no resistance as she peeled away my disgusting clothes. She discarded them onto the floor, clicking her tongue once, softly. I could certainly smell why. The clothes were ripped to shreds both from Victoria's torture, and my impromptu hunt. They were stained with so much blood, it could not have only been the bear's. My scent wafted off the reeking pile. And it smelled old, stale, dead. I stepped into the tub and Alice helped me ease down into it. It was pleasantly warm, and the salts she had sprinkled in it wafted up a delicate perfume that masked the stench of my own body.

As soon as I had settled into the water, and Alice was relatively sure I wasn't going anywhere, she whisked out of the bathroom, scooping up my clothes and returned a few seconds later, smiling at me with a wide-toothed comb in her hand. She pulled up a stool and instructed me to lay back in the tub. I complied. Though I wasn't sleepy in the slightest, I was tired. the thought surprised me, but I didn't question it, not now.

Alice pulled her hands gently through my hair, followed by the comb. I imagine before a few days ago, this act would have been excruciating. Yet today it was merely mildly annoying. I knew it had to be done, however, so I sat silent in the tub, enjoying the warmth, and the smell, closing my eyes and trying very hard to simply enjoy the moment.

I was deep in trying not to think when Alice's voice broke my musings. "You know, Bella, you will be breathtaking when I'm finished with you." A small smile crept to my lips. The world could flip over on its side, the sun could stop shining, and life could be nothing tomorrow what it was like yesterday. But Alice would always be Alice. I found no small amount of comfort in that thought. My smile grew in spite of itself.

"I mean, you were beautiful before," she went on, "but I really can't wait for you to see yourself when I'm finished. You're really something special, even for a vampire." I flinched slightly at the last word, involuntarily. The term had never bothered me until now. And there was really no point now in letting it get to me. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I turned slightly in the tub and looked up at Alice, smiling gently, and thanked her again. She winked at me and turned my head to continue combing out the mats.

"I am glad however you didn't have to see yourself like this." Alice seemed almost to be talking to herself. "I've never seen you look so awful. Not even in the hospital. I mean, one can hardly expect you to look like a new penny after coming through something like that. I'm sure I looked like hell myself afterwards." I could hear her smile in her words. I don't think Alice had ever looked like hell a day in her life, immortal or otherwise.

"Where is everyone else, Alice?" The question was past my lips before I even realized I had been thinking it. But now that it was hanging in the air, I was glad I asked it. As much as I loved Alice, I wanted to see Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Jasper, even Rosalie. I wanted to see them all. I wanted most to see _him_, but even I was not foolish enough to hope anything would bring him home to me anymore. If I had thought anything ever would, I would have done it long before.

Alice was quiet for a moment, the only sound in the bathroom, the comb working its way through my hair. "They're coming, Bella. They're terribly worried about you. Carlisle wants to see you and make sure your transformation didn't leave any permanent damage due to its... violence." I nodded at her. "Esme of course is absolutely beside herself..." She trailed off as if remembering something. "They'll be here tomorrow," she added, almost as if an aside.

"Carlisle and Esme?" I asked, refering to the "_they_" she had used.

"Yes, and everyone else." She said casually, the comb sliding through my hair more easily now.

A surge of adrenaline pulsed up through my neck, and my heart would have been tearing a hole through my chest had it still been alive. "Everyone?" I managed to squeak out.

I heard her pause as she realized what exactly her words had said to me. "Almost everyone will be here tomorrow," she amended quietly.

I nodded gently and I wanted to cry again. I silently cursed that I couldn't anymore. I hadn't expected any different answer, but her words had given me just enough hope for it to hurt when it was gone.

A few moments passed silently before Alice stood. "There. That's much better." She walked around the tub and pulled the plug, and pulled me to stand. I immediately realized why, as the filthy, murky water swirled down the drain. She pulled the shower curtain around and turned on the shower. The warm water cascading over me and running in rivulets down my body almost made me giggle, but did make me sigh. It felt so good. I hadn't been sore, or in any pain, it was just... enjoyable.

"Go ahead and finish cleaning up," she called to me, pointing out the shampoo and various other showering products to me. "I'm going downstairs to freshen up the house. I'll be back as soon as you're done." I nodded to her and she swept out of the room.

I sighed gently and shook my head, making my hair bounce off my shoulders. The water ran over me, taking with it bits of dirt and dried blood, swirling around my feet. Bark dislodged itself from under my nails, and I realized that I was paler than even I had noticed. The more the water ran over my skin, the more color it took with it. I was worrying that it was washing away my skin until it stopped fading at a beautiful ivory color.

I finished showering, luxuriating as much as I could allow myself. All the soaps and oils and gels smelled amazing to me now. I could pick out every individual scent in them, and made a bit of a game out of it for myself.

When I tired of the game I turned the knobs off gently. I wasn't sure of my own strength yet, and I didn't want to herald my re-entry into the Cullen's home by breaking something. I almost chuckled to myself as I realized that would be the sort of thing they would expect me to do.

No sooner had I turned off the water, than I looked up and Alice was standing in front of me, a towel open in her arms as she smiled at me. I stepped into the towel, wrapping it around myself as she dried my hair. I smiled at her slightly. It had been a long time since I'd been anything close to this pampered. Alice directed me over to the stool she had sat on before, turned me around and continued to re-brush and dry my hair. I distracted myself with watching the dust motes in the air swirl and dance around me, and with gazing out the window and counting the stars as they began to peek out of the sky.

Somewhere around star number 850, Alice pulled me to my feet and held out some of her clothes that would fit me. I smiled and shrugged into the simple red button down and jeans, thanking my lucky eight hundred and fifty stars that today Alice had decided to be reasonable with my clothes.

Alice smiled at me indulgently and tugged me forward. I realized she was trying to pull me in front of the bathroom's mirror. I suddenly stopped. I wasn't sure that I wanted to see. I still remembered myself vaguely as Bella Swan. Human, soft, and flawed, my memory matched the girl who was in all my childhood pictures. I wasn't sure I wanted to amend my memory to who I was now.

But that was just the catch. This **was** who I was now, whether I liked it or not. I couldn't go the rest of my life... eternity... dodging reflective surfaces. I took a deep breath. No, I would always be the girl in my childhood photos. I was just different now. I took a small step and allowed Alice to pull me forward. She squeezed my shoulders supportively and smiled, twirling me gently.

My eyes fell on the figure staring back at me in the mirror. She was almost completely flawless. She was beautiful. Alice's excited, cherubic face stared over her shoulder, grinning. I surveyed her. I still wasn't familiar enough with that perfect face, that perfect body, to call her me. Beautiful dark brown hair fell in thick waves to and past her shoulders. It framed her round face, full lips, and gently sloping nose. And yet the feature that drew me was not one of perfection that I never remembered. Her eyes were staring at me, shocked and looking scared, tinted the most vivid scarlet I could ever remember seeing.

"Alice..." I saw the figure's lips move in the mirror. "Alice the eyes..." I choked. I had naively been thinking my eyes would be the same beautiful amber golden color that I loved so well in my family.

"Shh Bella, don't worry." She squeezed my shoulders again gently. "They'll fade with time, and a proper diet." She smiled at me again. "Don't worry about them. They won't be here long.

I nodded numbly and tried to distract myself. I ran my fingers through my hair and over my skin. I had always remembered their skin being marble, hard and cold. Yet mine gave under my fingers. I giggled despite myself. I glanced once more at my scarlet eyes and nodded again. "Alright."

I spent the next few hours wandering the house. Alice left me to my own devices for a little while. She was busy flitting around the house in a dark blur. She was getting the house ready for habitation again she said. And I had no choice but to believe her. When I padded my way back downstairs, the white sheets had been removed, and various bits of furniture began to take shape. It began to look like a home again. I wandered into Carlisle's library, with her permission, and busied myself with perusing through the books he had left. I wandered and explored everywhere I could that wouldn't remind me too very much of my previous visits and who I had been with before.

Some hours after my shower, when the darkness was heavy outside the windows, Alice came downstairs in a startling practical outfit, for Alice. I stared at her questioningly for a moment as she smiled her mischevious smile at me.

"The next few days may be rather busy. I'm just wanting to make sure you're alright for them." She said, walking to the door. I still didn't quite understand. She inclined her head, "Come on, silly girl."

"Where are we going?"

She grinned at me. "I'm going to teach you how to hunt properly."

--

As soon as Alice and I had stepped out the door and entered the wooded area around the home, I let Bella slip away from me again. This time, however, it wasn't nearly as frantic. It felt natural, necessary, and right. Alice was always with me, and I knew her scent well enough to remember who she was, even when the smell of deer or elk overwhelmed me. The two of us dashed around and played for hours. She would jump to a branch and I would jump to a higher one, leap frogging through the trees and across streams, under bushes and everywhere.

When we scented blood, she would shoot off, following it, me close on her heels. She would kill first while I watched, my thirst aching once again. I would watch her graceful and lithe figure kill, feed, and finish, without leaving a spot on her. I did my best to follow her example and after a try or two, I found I had the mechanics of it more or less under my control. For the rest of the night we danced around each other. Occasionally we would rest by a stream while I cleaned up any small mess that I had made despite my efforts. It amused me when I realized Alice's reasoning behind giving me a red shirt to wear.

When the sky began to lighten and gray in the east, Alice turned towards home, and away we rocketed. I remembered exactly where the house was, just as sure as I knew where I was. Though I had no name for the place. I could likely have counted how many leaps it was going to take us to get home, had I any inclination to do so. As it was, I was simply enjoying the feel of the leaves on my face, the dew under my feet, and the wind whipping through my hair.

Alice broke from the brush first and slowed to a skipping walk, and I followed her lead, though I don't think my walk could ever mimic her graceful dancer's steps. Coming on the house I noticed something odd. The lights were on inside. A quick glance towards the garage and I spotted both Emmett's Jeep and Rosalie's BMW.

I stopped walking and Alice turned, smiling gently as she extended her hand. "Come on, Bella," she beckoned, "they're waiting to see you."


	6. Chapter 6

**_Time to reiterate disclaimer: I own none of these characters. Unfortunately. Fortunately I can at least play with them -_**

**_Thank you again to all who took the time to review. It really makes my day, and I love hearing your input!_**

--

As I mounted the steps into the house behind Alice, I realized I still missed the pounding of my heart whenever I was doing something nerve wracking. Of course, concentrating on the fact that my heart wasn't beating in turn distracted me from being nervous in the first place. Unsurprisingly, as soon as I realized I was being distracted, I returned to stopping myself from shaking, or simply turning tail and running away. This entire mental war occurred in the span of time it took me to take one foot and place it on the next step.

Somehow Alice and I reached the door. She threw a quick smile at me over her shoulder before pushing the door open. The house lights inside took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to, after running by nothing but moonlight all night long. I blinked once and my eyes focused on the figures around.

Carlisle stood, flanked by his family, hands in his pockets. His face wore a small smile, but his eyes gazed at me, a deep sadness in them. Esme's poker face was not quite as complete. She stood, worry written on her face, behind Carlisle's right shoulder, ringing her hands. Jasper stood next to her, his stance much like Carlisle's, but no trace of emotion could be detected on his face. I imagined he was feeling for my emotion, and was slightly amused at the thought. Rosalie stood behind Carlisle's left shoulder, wearing a face I had never seen on her before. It was outright pity. There was no animosity in her eyes as she took the new me in. Emmett alone seemed almost unaffected. And though it was slightly forced, he wore the same smile I remembered on him, carefree, nonchalant, and almost as if he knew something funny that I didn't.

Alice closed the door gently behind us, and Esme stepped forward. Her eyes searched my face anxiously as if asking me something. I realized a beat later what it was, and extended my arms a small way away from myself. Esme rushed into them, gathering me up to herself.

"Oh _Bella_... We can't tell you how sorry we are, Bella. It's so very good to see you but I can't imagine worse circumstances." She pulled back from me a moment, looking at my face. Her hand brushed against my cheek, pushing my hair back away from my face. "Though I have to say you certainly seem... well suited to it." Esme smiled sheepishly. Her attempt to make a compliment without upsetting me made me smile, if only slightly. I appreciated her effort.

Esme relinquished her hold on me as Carlisle took another step forward. His hands were out of his pockets now. "How are you feeling, Bella?"

I realized none of the other family members were going to rush to me in greeting as they stood, still as statues, unmoved from where I had first seen them.

"Apart from the very obvious, I'm fine." I stretched my fingers slightly to punctuate my point. "Physically I don't suppose I've ever been better. Or... well... worse for that matter."

Carlisle chuckled humorlessly at my horrible attempt at a joke before the dark cloud that seemed to be over everyone in the room settled resolutely back on his face. "Bella..." his soft voice caught my attention more completely than his face did. "Bella we had absolutely no idea this was going to happen to you. We left in order to avoid anything even comparatively catastrophic coming to Forks at all. We... we grievously misjudged the situation, and you were the one to pay the price. I wish there was something we could do or say other than how much we regret..."

His words seemed to come with some difficulty, so I didn't push him to finish. His words, and the presence of the Cullen family around him inspired simultaneously a rainbow of emotions in me. I was elated to see them again, and yet felt so horribly betrayed by their leaving in the first place. I was angry and some part of me wanted to blame them for this... this thing that had happened. But yet, as I looked at them, I couldn't voice those hurts. Carlisle and Esme, at least, seemed to be suffering profusely for their lack of foresight.

_Foresight..._

"Not to seem horribly rude but... _how_ exactly did it occur that you had no idea at all what would happen?" I threw a pointed look at Alice, who rolled her eyes as if I were missing some vital point. Carlisle, however flinched.

"We were under a strict request. Once we left we were to have no interference in your life whatsoever. And that apparently included supernatural supervision." Carlisle glanced at Alice as if finally understanding.

"I already told you this, Bella." Alice turned to me, her eyes soft again, "I made a promise I had to honor."

A bitter note took my voice, "Yes well, I'm so terribly glad you got to keep your honor."

Alice winced away from me before Carlisle took a step forward. "Bella that's not fair. None of us had any reason to think that you would be in any kind of danger. Alice couldn't know when she stopped looking for you that something like this would happen. Edward made a very serious request of us, regarding you. Were we to tell him no?"

A thousand stinging, angry remarks rose to my lips, but I pushed them back down before I said them, a sudden calm settling over me. Arguing my point now, like this, would get no one anywhere. What was done was done. And while it might save my own bitter pride to yell now, I would likely feel awful about it in the morning.

Still, I fixed Carlisle with a hard, scarlet stare. He held my eyes, unblinking, but a deep sadness welled up in him. It made me turn away before I allowed that sorrow to infect me. Esme glanced between Carlisle and myself worriedly. She seemed overly anxious, even given the situation.

Carlisle smiled sadly and patted Esme's hand gently. He murmured to her softly, yet I could catch every syllable. "Yes, she is a newborn, but she is also still Bella. Don't worry."

Esme had been worried that I would attack Carlisle? Because I was a newborn? I still barely understood what it was to be a newborn, and while I was angry, yes, I could hardly see myself jumping Carlisle Cullen, surrounded by his family, in his own home, just because I wasn't thrilled with the situation. Perhaps newborns were not known to be the most rational of beings. I mentally shrugged and focused back to the conversation at hand.

Carlisle turned to look at me again. "You're going to have some very difficult choices ahead of you, Bella, but we'll worry about those when they -"

The sound of an engine turning off the main road and starting down the Cullen drive interrupted Carlisle. The motor sounded angry as it flew its way around the twists and turns of the drive, screeching to a halt in front of the house. I heard a car door open and shut and heavy footsteps fell on the grass outside. I took a step back out of habit as the foot falls reached the stairs. I was still standing in front of the door, and it sounded as if whatever was outside was about to break it down. I took another step, and my back touched the wall of the foyer as the door flew open, nearly hitting me.

The Cullens all winced as a whirlwind stormed into the house, stopping in front of us. He fixed all of the Cullen family in front of me with a black stare. His face was set in a scowl that seemed to have been chiseled there. He was dressed in a step up from filthy rags, stained from hard wear. His hair was dark and wild. It didn't look as if it had been touched in months. I was so shocked, I glanced out the door, still open behind him, to see a silver Volvo that was missing its characteristic shine.

I looked forward again, and Edward was still fixing the world with a stare from onyx black eyes.

"How the hell did this happen." The growl that emitted from his lips was much less a question, and much more a demand for an answer.

"Oh Edward..." Esme looked as if she wanted to gather Edward to her in a similar fashion to the way she had with me, but Edward would not be moved.

Carlisle put a calming hand on Esme's shoulder. "There was nothing we could have done about it Edward. It was only fortune Alice got there in time to even realize who had done it. She had the advantage on us this time and took it."

Edward's gaze was affixed to the floor as he smoldered. "And is she dead?" The angry whisper hissed through his teeth.

"I didn't get there in time for that, Edward." Alice's voice was soft and pleading.

"The **hell** you didn't, Alice!" He was almost shaking with fury.

Alice's eyes became dark as he raised his voice. "And you would have left her there alone, Edward?"

"It wouldn't have been the first time." My soft, bell-like voice shattered the tension between the two as Edward whirled around to me, surprise evident on his face. He hadn't even noticed I was present. And it was no wonder. Edward had completely fallen apart. His eyes were deep black, the circles underneath them looked more like black eyes than bruises. His bronze hair looked a dead brown under the dirt that he had let build up on it. His pale ivory skin was also splotched and tinted from lack of care. Any other time I would have fallen at his feet and apologized for doing such a horrible thing to him. As it was, I hardly recognized the Greek God of my dreams in the man that stood before me.

Yet his appearance reminded me just a bit too much of blood and hair flowing down a shower drain, of sand under my nails and in my mouth, and the feel of week old clothes being peeled away from my skin.

"Bella..." he choked. He couldn't pull his eyes away from mine.

"Hello Edward." I let the venom drip into my voice. In this moment there were only two emotions. Either I was angry, or I was broken, bawling at his feet. I let the anger flow through me to keep me standing, and to keep the sobs out of my voice.

He stumbled forward and grasped my shoulders as I looked up at him. His deep eyes bored into me, searching for something, it seemed. "God Bella... I didn't mean for..."

"Yes well," my voice almost broke before I tamed it, "we didn't mean for alot of things to happen." He withdrew his hands from my shoulders, letting them hang lifeless at his side.

The ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth for a moment before he looked at me. "It would figure," he said miserably.

"And that is?"

"I still can't hear you." His eyes searched mine, looking for some kind of insight into my thoughts I realized suddenly.

The next thing I knew, my hand was balled up into a fist that was flying through the air. My right hook caught Edward square on the jaw and he stumbled a moment before landing ungracefully on the floor.

Esme gasped and I thought I heard Emmett cough away what could, on any other day, have been a laugh, but no one moved to help Edward off the ground. He sat there at my feet, staring up at me, his gaze never leaving my eyes, rubbing his jaw gently.

"I'm so sorry Bella," his voice was quieter than a whisper.

"Sorry for what, not loving me anymore? That's not really something you need to apologize for." He winced "Now, I think I've had almost enough of this reunion." I glanced up at Alice "Thank you for everything. But if you will excuse me, I've got to get home." I turned on my heel and took a step towards the door.

I heard Edwards defeated voice float up from where he was, still on the floor. "You didn't tell her yet, did you?"

I froze where I was, turning my head back over my shoulder, surveying all the faces in front of me. Each one seemed to look a thousand times more guilty than they had when I had entered the house only a few moments ago. "Tell me what."

Edward stood up and took his place with his family, staying silent.

Carlisle took a deep breath before looking up at me again. "Come back inside, Bella. We need to talk."

"I don't really have time, Carlisle." After all these months of wanting him to return, and wondering how I would survive without it, all I wanted to do in this very moment was get as far the hell away from this house as possible. "God knows how long I've been gone. Charlie probably has the entire town out looking for me."

Carlisle winced. "This won't take long Bella but we really need you to hear it."

I turned to face them again, my hand on the door knob, illustrating my frustration. "Alright, what is it."

"Bella," he began, "I don't really think that it'd be such a great idea for you to go home right now. You've only been a vampire a few days, and being around humans is... it's a very powerful urge..." Carlisle seemed like he was dodging the point.

My eyes narrowed, "You think I'd eat my own father?"

"No, Bella..." He seemed to wonder how to continue. "People are looking for you, Bella, but not the people you think."

Carlisle's words didn't make any sense. Edward ran his hand through his mess of hair, before looking at me, frustration and anger evident in his face.

"Charlie's dead, Bella."

The world seemed to close in on me. Suddenly all the guilty looks on everyone's faces made perfect sense. Why Carlisle didn't want me to go home. Why no one seemed to know what to do with me.

I slumped down to the ground, hugging my knees to me. I rocked back and forth as the meaning sank in. I was a new vampire. My human father was dead. My vampire family had left, cast me out. I had nothing and no one. I could never return to my mother. For all I knew, my mother thought that I had killed him. A tearless sobbed ripped its way out of my chest.

That thought caused my eyes to snap upwards, finding Carlise's face. "Charlie's dead," I whispered "and I'm gone..." I started putting the pieces together. Carlisle nodded.

"They're searching for you as a suspect, Bella."

"Victoria?" I asked in a dead voice, though I already knew the answer. Carlisle simply nodded.

I almost laughed, hysterical "No she didn't... no..." I looked up, scanning the family in front of me, settling for a moment on Edward's tortured face. "Victoria didn't kill him. I did."

It all made perfect sense in my head. I was the one who had unknowingly dragged my father into this world of make believe and fairy tales, into a world of vendettas and vengeance. He had become collateral damage for a world he hardly knew. My _father_...

Edward took a step towards me, "Bella don't -"

I let a scream tear its way through my lips. It echoed off the walls and through the house and down to the trees and shook the ground with grief and pain and confusion.

I curled onto the ground and heaved dry sobs until the sun fell again below the horizon.


	7. Chapter 7

**_More technical difficulties prevented this chapter from being up when I wanted it to be, but worry not! I return -. I ask you folks please not to hate me for this storyline. Just trying to explore some of Bella's other characteristics than her unwavering devotion. _**

**_I'd also like to thank JMarie and tigerlily3489 for their reviews, requests and suggestions, and thanks as well to all who've taken the time to review. I like to think you folks make me a better writer._**

--

That night I crouched in the trees over looking the scene. Tape was stretched all around the house and yard, fluttering gently in the light rain that was falling. The lights in the windows were off, and there were no cars parked in or around the drive. Even Charlie's police cruiser had been removed.

The branches swayed around me as I peered in through the windows. Through the blackness I could see the couch in our living room, and the tv, that should have been showing the game that was on tonight. It was black as well.

I flicked my eyes up to my window and the darkness beyond it. It had been ransacked. Apparently no one seemed to care about the missing girl, not when she was the prime (and likely only) suspect in her father's murder. My window was still cracked just slightly. It was the same way I always left it, just in case Edward decided to see me, to come back.

I leaped off the branch, landing silently on the side of the house, clutching the window ledge. Sliding my window all the way open, I swept into my room, alighting on the floor.

A quick survey of my room from the interior proved no more satisfying than the one from outside it. The sheets had been whisked off my bed, my personal belongings had been strewn all over the room. Pages had been ripped from the album I'd been given as a gift.

I realized that I should have been infuriated by this. This... blatant invasion of privacy should have sent me through the roof. But in comparison with the week I had been having, I could hardly have cared less.

I stepped out of my room and into the hallway, down into my father's bedroom. The moonlight shone through Charlie's window and draped itself across the bed. The sheets were tousled and strewn, the way Charlie had always kept them.

At the top of the stairs I noticed that the twinge in my throat had flared up again. I had only just hunted the night before, and so I wasn't thirsty, per say, but the smell was so compelling, I turned, nearly floating down the stairs. I walked through my own house like a ghost, trying not to disturb anything and in so doing ruin my memory of the place.

When I entered the living room I realized what had tickled the demon in my throat. Charlie's recliner was missing. The police must have taken it away. It dawned on me as I surveyed the room that the reason for this was because that was where Charlie had been murdered. Blood soaked the carped around where his chair should have been.

I sank to my knees beside the stale stain that would never come out of the carpet, and would never be erased from my mind. In a way, it even _smelled_ like Charlie, revolting though that thought was to me. I didn't like the idea of smelling my father through his blood.

Kneeling on the floor in the shell of the house we once shared, I tried to grieve. It was much more difficult than I could have imagined. I had been so dependent as a human on being able to cry. Now that I couldn't, I was almost at a loss as to how to express the new emptiness I felt.

It reminded me vaguely of the emptiness I felt when Edward left me. When the sun went out of my world. And yet, though it had been less than a week since that fateful day on the cliffs, every memory from my human mind was dim, fuzzy, and hard to picture clearly. I remembered them perfectly, of course, but it was as if I was looking at them through a thick, dirty window.

This new emptiness was deep, lasting. It was not nearly as vicious because it simply didn't care. It only consumed. The last true tie to my humanity had bled out here in his home, his refuge. The darkness spread from my chest over my eyes, swallowing me in pain that could not be expressed, tears that could not be shed, and vengeance that could not be taken.

What had I done to deserve this? Loved? I tried to think of a reason why, of a purpose that could come from this. And yet as I racked my brain, nothing came to me. Only images in my head of my father. My father who tried so hard to do what he could had perished because his daughter had fallen in love with the wrong person.

I never truly had cared what would happen to me over my relationship with Edward, but I never once thought of what would happen to him. It was the crux of my guilt. It was Victoria's coup de grace. I had been so wrapped up in how much I hurt that it didn't even occur to me who else I was hurting, because I wasn't strong enough to handle it.

I ghosted back up the stairs and to my room. I flitted around it, tidying up. I'm not sure why I did it, but I couldn't seem to bear to have the last sight of my room one of it being in total disarray. My mind and my heart were allowed to be in that state. I couldn't stand for anything else to be. I walked to the window and paused a moment before shutting it and turning the latch.

I paced downstairs for a short while, picking up little things. A picture of my parents' wedding day, a few of the pictures of myself off the walls (whichever ones were left. The police had confiscated some of the more recent ones for god knows what).

As I was about to leave, I noticed that Charlie's gun belt still hung next to the door. The gun had long since been taken away, but for whatever reason, the belt had been left. I picked it up gingerly before stepping out the front door and walking into the trees, where I promptly picked my feet up into a run and sped away back to the one place that knew what I was.

--

The Cullen house had become quieter with eight people there than when it had just been myself and Alice. The TV was on most of the time, and someone was usually reading. In fact, multiple people were usually reading. No one seemed to want to broach into conversation with me other than Emmett and Alice. Emmett explained this to me by saying nobody else wanted to get sucker punched.

I on the other hand thought that the rest of the family were just giving me space. Space to figure out what the hell to do with myself, I suppose.

I didn't see Edward after his entrance that first night. He had gone to his room and locked himself away. He hadn't come out since, to my knowledge. It cast even more of a pall over the family. I suspected Alice of sending thoughts towards him on purpose to try to coax him out, but it was to no avail.

I was watching the sun rise, the third day after my arrival at the Cullen house. I stood, still as a statue, and unbreathing, facing the eastern windows that covered most of the downstairs eastern wall. I watched as the sky tinted from black to gray, from gray to yellow, and from yellow to gold to blue as the first slivers of the sun peaked over the horizon. I watched as the first rays of daylight stole through the windows and flooded my skin.

My pale, lifeless skin errupted as the light touched it. The light threw diamonds across my arms and hands. I could see the shine even underneath Alice's borrowed clothes. My reflection in the window stared at me as if a creature from another world. Her fiercely glinting skin framed her scarlet eyes, that alighted on my face with the full weight of horrible accusations in them. Perhaps somewhere under that perfect face there was something left of the Bella that I had been. Yet as I stared at her in the morning light, I couldn't see it. This tortured soul that stared back at me seemed to have nothing left of the good days, the beautiful days, the happy days.

I sighed and refocused my eyes outwards, past the window and into the trees beyond. I folded my arms across my chest and stood, lifeless as a brilliant statue, glittering in the infant sunlight.

I heard the footsteps from the second floor long before they started descending the stairs. They paused, heavy, at the bottom of the stairs before they picked up again, almost shuffling across the floor. They silenced gently some few feet behind me. I gave no indication that I had heard the approach from behind, but I was well aware that Carlisle knew more than to believe the act.

"Bella"

The name hung in the air for a moment before floating gently back into silence.

"Yes"

No muscle in my body moved as I stood, my back still to him. My speech was the only indication that I acknowledged his presence at all.

The silence echoed between us for a moment. I heard a gentle sigh and a rustle of paper and leather before Carlisle's footsteps retreated slowly, defeated, back for the stairs. His steps climbed each stair and shuffled, defeated, down the upstairs hallway. I never moved until I heard the door to his room open and click gently shut.

I turned my head to see what he had left for me. My eyes fell on the shining black piano bench. A large stack of miscellaneous papers had been set there.

The bench creaked once in protest when I sat down. A few corners of photos stuck out from the stack about half way down. On the very top of the pile was a plain leather billfold that I recognized immediately. Opening it, Charlie's face stared somberly at me from his driver's license picture. I found everything in his wallet intact. He had left all of twenty dollars cash inside, along with all his credit cards, police identification, and various receipts he hadn't gotten around to throwing away. My own wallet lay underneath it, and I was for some reason, afraid of touching it.

The papers beneath were dry documents telling about his police career and various accolades he'd won. Farther down there were photos of him that I had never seen before. They were slightly aged and seemed to show him surrounded by a few close friends and officers. I imagine it had been his promotion ceremony, or something similar.

Setting those aside, I found more pictures that seemed even more worn. Charlie and Renee, with a squalling infant, an entire album of wedding pictures, and all of my missing school portraits stared up at me.

I handled each relic gingerly. My stone face portrayed nothing of the emotion that welled up inside me. Every old picture of me was a resounding reminder that she was dead. That clumsy, plain, beautiful girl was dead. Every snapshot of my father reminded me that I dragged more than myself down into this world of darkness and grief.

My one shining point as I wallowed in everything I had lost was that Renee was so far away from it that she couldn't be hurt any further. She would know that Charlie was dead, and she would assume (rightly, in my opinion), that I had killed him. She could begin her life with Phil and work to putting all this behind her.

Renee wasn't my mother any more. She was Isabella Swan's mother. And Isabella Swan died awash in pain, in a dark, dank, filthy cave.

I heard footsteps begin to shuffle upstairs, but I decided not to care. I flicked through the pages over and over again. With my new photographic memory, I of course could remember each photo, each word on every document, perfectly. But I just wanted to see them again.

The footsteps had stopped quietly just in front of me before I paid anymore attention to them. I pointedly ignored them, hoping that whoever was standing there gawking at me would get tired of it and just walk away.

After five more minutes of shuffling through papers while being watched, I flicked my eyes upwards. Even angry, distraught, and broken, he was beautiful.

The sun was streaming in the windows behind me and caught him full in the face, and even the deep bruises under his eyes didn't seem quite so pronounced. His hair glinted quietly through the dirt that was still caked over it. The filth on his skin seemed to disappear over the radiant sparkle of the diamonds he threw, scattered on the carpet and on the piano. He seemed more Edward in this moment than he had in anything but my memories for so long. But no amount of sunlight could help his eyes.

My mind wondered idly how long it had been since Edward had hunted. His eyes were onyx and hard. Even if he were laughing, I don't think any expression could have cracked the hard shell that was over them. Like the stones they resembled, they glinted, nearly unmoving. They were deep and almost wildly penetrating. As any other woman I would have thrown myself at him.

But the small corner of my mind that was still free to marvel at odd things realized that Edward appraised me much as one would a zoo animal that had been let out of its cage, and no one had yet determined if it was angry enough to do any harm. Had I thrown myself at him now, it looked more like he would flinch away from me, before doing anything else.

Several minutes passed in silence. Edward stood over me, unmoving. I sat, under his gaze, matching his stare. Two shining statues appraising each other in the early morning light.

Edward's movement was so slight at first that I almost didn't notice it. Almost. The fingers on his right hand twitched ever so slightly. I dropped my eyes briefly to his hands before returning to his face. With our gridlocked stare broken, he took a half step towards me, extending his hand. I realized that he was reaching for the photograph in my lap. Involuntarily I clutched it to my chest, the glass frame cracking.

Edward winced and paused a moment before reaching again for the photo. Ashamed of my childish act, I held the photo up for him. My shame, however, did not reach my eyes, that continued to appraise him coldly.

The glass from the shattered frame fell off the photo with a light, tinkling sound before landing on the floor below the bench. Edward did not seem to notice. Instead, he fixed his dark stare on the paper photo that had been beneath it. It was a photo of Charlie and Renee, taken sometime after their wedding, before I had come into the picture. I assumed it was some sort of honeymoon-esque photo, as the two of them both looked radiantly happy. They grinned and smiled at the camera with their arms around each other.

He raised his face to me abruptly, and the pain and grief inscribed on his face ran so deep that I wondered if it would ever be able to leave it.

"I never meant to hurt you."

His hushed voice still held all the power I remembered it having. That soothing velvet tone washed over my ears and sent a tingle reverberating down my spine. It was so soft, and so gentle, it was the way I had wished and wanted and waited for him to speak to me since that night in the forest so long ago when his voice was hard and cold.

When he told me he didn't love me.

That quickly, my dark memories washed away any pleasure I took in hearing his voice. All I saw in the face that looked up at me were the lies he had told me. He told me he loved me, and I, naive, had believed it. I had wanted to believe it. I had been his toy. And it had all been great fun for him until he had tired of me. And now he had the gall to sit here and tell me he never meant to hurt me. No, he had just never meant for it to become this complicated.

I reached over, and his eyes never left my face as I lifted the shattered picture frame out of his grasp, wiping away the remaining shards of glass and lifting the photo gently away from the sharp edges. I let the frame drop to the floor as I laid the picture delicately back on the pile of papers.

I contemplated hitting him again. Yet looking back at his face, he look so tortured, that despite the anger that was beginning to boil up inside of me again, I couldn't bring myself to it.

"That doesn't change that it did, Edward."

"I know." He moaned, anguished. "I know that I just... I just wanted you to know that. To hear it, from me."

"Consider yourself heard." I wondered if he was looking to me for some kind of absolution. But I was no one's priest. I was hardly fit to be anything to anyone.

His hand moved gently again, slowly, reaching for me. A few seconds passed before I realized he was going to touch me. His fingers were a mere breath away from my skin and I recoiled. It was so automatic for a moment I cursed myself for doing it. Yet my mind was only protecting itself. I couldn't bear to have him touch me again, ever again. His game had worked on me as a human, but thanks to him, because of him, I was more than human now. He had killed Isabella Swan. I wasn't about to let him manipulate what she had turned into.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't do that, Edward." My clear voice rang out with just a hint of distaste. It was enough to make Edward shrink back from me.

"I can't say I blame you." He dropped his head momentarily into his hands, running his fingers through his hair before fixing me again with a tortured look. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Bella. I wanted to let you know that. I... that..." his thin composure began to break. "I was selfish with you, more selfish than I had any right to be. And you are the one that paid the price for that. I... I never meant for it..." he sighed, miserably. "It wasn't supposed to happen this way."

I gazed at him, wordlessly. My dead heart sat still, unmoved in my chest. His pain did not touch me here, where I wallowed in my own sorrow, my own loss.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." He continued when he realized I had no reply to give him. "I thought I should let you know this time."

I nodded slightly before shaking my head. I stood. "You shouldn't do that on my behalf Edward, this is your home."

Edward shook his head. "I can't stay here. I'm not worth staying here. My family is better off without me. So are you."

I looked down on him, "I'm not going to dispute that. But maybe for once you should think of someone other than yourself. You destroyed my family, and you're well on the way to destroying your own. Maybe you should give a shit about that before you run off again to wallow in your own self pity, because you feel like it." I had no idea where the sudden venom had come from, but it dripped from my crystal-clear voice, acidic and dangerous.

The photo of my parents was still in my hand. I folded it gently into quarters before slipping it into Charlie's wallet, that I promptly put in my pocket. I picked up my own wallet, sliding it into the opposite pocket.

"Stay with your family, Edward" the command in my voice surprised even me. "Think about someone other than yourself for once." I began to walk towards the front door. "Don't worry about leaving for my sake."

I stopped with my hand on the doorknob. I turned my head to look over my shoulder at him. He was lit from behind with the growing brilliance of daylight. I drank him in. Every single detail of Edward in this moment, his slumped shoulders, his anguished eyes, his hands wringing themselves together.

"You won't see me anymore, Edward. Enjoy eternity."

I opened the door and stepped out it. As I shut it behind me, I heard a muffled, anguished sob. "Bell-" I cut it off with the door clicking shut behind me.


	8. Chapter 8

_**I never thought emptiness would be a relative term. And yet, every time we meet, the emptiness of before will forever be superior.**_

_**Edward**_

Her footsteps never faltered. The quiet, crisp footfalls crossed the porch and descended the steps and crushed the blades of grass with a quiet determination.

Her words echoed around in my head. _"You won't see me anymore, Edward. Enjoy eternity." _

I sank slowly to my knees, shards of glass crunching beneath me. I knew those words. They bit like knives into my stomach, twisting and writhing.

I had tried once, to say them to her. I tried, once, to mean it. But from her the words held exponentially more conviction than I had ever been able to achieve. I had wanted to keep her safe. I had tried to do the right thing, no... the _righteous_ thing even. And yet...

The haunting image of her scarlet eyes boring into me will never leave my brain.

My failures stacked themselves one on top of the other in front of my eyes and culminated with her, with those eyes. I failed her in every way imaginable. If it were just the hate from her, I like to think I would be able to survive. If my only concern were her loathing of me, I would take it and be happy. But this... this was something new all together.

Everything I had striven to keep her from, the very worst parts of who we are had been thrown upon her. As she spoke to me, I could almost hear the heavy yolk bearing down her shoulders, her spirits. She was either broken, or very soon would be. There was nothing I could do for her. Nothing.

My mind registered a sharp crack as wooden splinters rained softly on the floor in front of my eyes. Six pairs of feet ran quietly to the stairs where the stopped to take in what was happening.

My right hand, flat on the floor, flexed ever so slightly. I hardly noticed my fingers sliding through the floor.

"Edward... oh Edward..." Esme's whispered plea drifted towards me lightly. Soon her soft fingers grasped my shoulders, trying to pull me upright.

I lifted my eyes to her quickly, and the expression that flitted over her features, on any other day, would have broken my heart. As she gathered me up in her arms I realized I had no heart. It had been beaten, it had been broken, and it had just been taken out the door, running away from me.

Every step she ran away from me, the tighter the emptiness in my chest strangled me.


	9. Chapter 9

Days turned to weeks, turned to months. I couldn't be sure. Time stopped meaning anything to me anymore.

I had shut myself down. It was the only way I knew to cope. I shut myself off in my mind, as well as I could, and contented myself with my own personal torment. I had earned it after all.

I stood motionless in front of the floor to ceiling windows, as I had for an unknown period of time. I stared out past the glass panes but I saw neither my reflection or the world beyond. Sunrise and sunset came and went. I hardly noticed.

Instead a long movie played through my head of everything wrong I had done, of everything I'd hurt her with over the past two years.

I did not even try to content myself with only my most recent transgressions. I remembered everything from the moment in the clearing to now. Every ounce of fear or danger from the moment she realized the harm James meant her until she left me here, with her name on my lips and hate in her eyes. The blood, the panic, the anger....

This personal hell was justice in my eyes. I deserved this. I deserved this for being selfish and wanting her to begin with. I deserve this for leaving her unprotected. I deserve this for failing my only mission these past months. It was all for nothing.

Victoria still walked the earth. Bella was a vampire... a vampire who absolutely loathed me.

A strangled choke stole up my throat in a pathetic effort to laugh. The only thing I'd ever really given a shit about in my whole life and I failed her on so many levels, one would think I was trying to do so.

I had thought that leaving would be for the best. For her best, that is. I decided for once not to think of me, and thought I would wrench my heart out in the process. Her face when I told her I did not love her I will never forget. To this day I still don't know how I walked away from those trees, how I left her there alone, in her grief.

I was only just now realizing what that possibly could have felt like.

I wanted to die.

-----

Some time after I had taken my silent stance at the window, thoughts began to drift down to me. I hadn't realized til this point that I had been so distracted by my own torment that I had shut my family completely away.

Yet they began to send me their thoughts with purpose behind them. They were worried. They missed me. I heard them and summarily ignored them. It didn't matter to me. I didn't deserve their affections.

Bella's voice drifted back to me slowly, softly, ringing with distaste in it's beautiful peal. _"You destroyed my family, and you're well on the way to destroying your own."_ I grimaced and sighed.

"Edward." Her light, sweet voice broke in on my silence. I hadn't even heard her approach. This knowledge worried me. Alice's dancing gait was by far the easiest to identify of my family.

"Edward, you won't get anything accomplished standing here forever." Alice stepped in front of me and leaned up on her tip toes. A sad smile graced her lips, her childlike eyes dark and hungry as she brought up a finger to tap the side of her head. "Trust me, I know."

I grimaced. "Nothing at all? I suppose that means I won't hurt her anymore."

_Actually..._ Alice's thought echoed in my head for a moment before continuing. _Actually I can't be sure._

I brought my eyes up slowly to look at her, perhaps more angrily than I intended. "Alice..."

She sighed at me and closed her eyes, playing back what she had seen. For the first time in a long while I took the effort to actually listen to her.

I saw the days flying by, while I stood, motionless as a statue, grieving. There we a few half attempted interventions by my mother that never came to fruition. I winced again. I was hurting Esme. Again. And here I promised myself I wouldn't do that. More broken promises.

Apparently I was rather adept at that.

And yet, as I watched, however stilted, the daily life of my household, Alice's thoughts became a blank. I opened my eyes to question her, yet there she stood, eyes closed, still concentrating just as hard.

I pulled my eyebrows together and concentrated again. Nothingness. There was nothingness in her visions. It had all disappeared.

Her eyelids drifted slowly up to see the unspoken questions on my face. "I have no idea." She answered, "That's why I thought I should bring it to you."

I sighed inwardly. It took something of this magnitude for a sister, my family, to come and speak with me? The wrongness of my very life now struck me again.

"How long ago did you see this?" I whispered. I tried to keep the anger and bitterness out of my tone, but I had been using it so long that it was difficult.

"Just now, as I imagine whatever it signifies should happen before too long."

I eyed my sister again. It had been too long since she had hunted. Her dark eyes and bruised face held a weary expression. She caught my chagrin and smiled delicately.

_I wasn't about to leave you here like that._

The knives in my stomach twitched again. Starving myself was one thing, but... little Alice....

"You should eat Alice." I sounded more like her father than her brother.

"Not without you." The ghost of a smile tugged at her lips.

I regarded her coldly for a moment before giving one sharp nod.

I regretted the action immediately as Alice squealed loudly and clapped her hands, dashing up the stairs.

It took no time at all for Alice to round up the rest of the family and inform them we were all going hunting. Though not all of them were quite as dedicated to waiting for me as Alice had been, they all breathed a sigh of relief and ran out the door.

As I walked out of the house and the fresh air struck me, I wondered idly how long I had been standing, unmoving. I had not realized that the air in my home had grown stale, dry, and dead. The smells of twilight assailed my nose as I took a step out on to the porch. I breathed deep of the forgotten smells and opened my eyes.

A red truck ghosted silently down the perfectly manicured drive towards the porch. I vaguely heard a small choking sound from my throat. I blinked once and the truck had stopped. I watched as I jumped out the passenger side of the truck to bounce happily over to the driver door. It was me but it... it wasn't me. It was a happier me, a younger me. An unburdened Edward.

I felt a tiny hand clasp mine supportively as I watched the scene unfold.

Out of the driver's door of the truck, I led her out by the hand. The sun glinted off her deep brown hair and she turned her face up towards the house. Her cheeks were flushed, a wary smile on her face. The Edward of my vision smiled indulgently at her, his face radiant, and towed her gently towards the house.

She was wearing blue. She was smiling. Her eyes flicked towards the door and their lovely, chocolate brown found me. It was similar to being hit by a truck. The breath knocked out of me as I stared at her in all her loveliness. I stood, waiting only for her torturous scent to reach me, yearning for it.

I blinked again. She was gone. There was no truck. There was no Bella. There was no gloriously happy me.

I felt my knees begin to give under me once more, but Alice was there. Her iron grip held me up, and she patted my hand as one would who had a child who refused to go to bed.

"Come now, Edward. We can do this later. You're weak. It's time to hunt."

I took a deep, filling breath as the smells of the forest invaded my senses. The burn in my throat that I had long ago locked away twinged dangerously, painfully.

I nodded once, then shot like a bullet away from the porch, away from Edward, and gave myself over to something else.

--------

I could hardly hear my own footfalls as I ran, unhindered through the forest. One mountain lion, two elk, and one grizzly bear later, I still wasn't satisfied. It occurred to me, in that small corner of my brain that was still somewhat human, that it must have been much longer than I thought since the last time I had eaten. In all fairness I could not recall the event at all. I mentally shrugged and ran on, the beast inside me having full control. I felt the strength begin to return to my limbs. The satisfying warmth spread down to my fingers and my toes and I pushed myself harder, and faster.

My family ran with me, close, but not too close. They kept an eye on me while they fed themselves sporadically.

A few more elk later I began to feel that familiar sloshing feeling that signified I was full. I felt Carlisle's thoughts prodding gently against my mind. _Ready to go home, son?_

I nodded once and rocketed away in the opposite direction I had been running. Towards home. It was time to decide what to do with myself. With fresh blood and renewed strength flowing through my veins I could not logically resume my post and the window, wasting away. There had to be something I could do. Anything. I had made a mess of absolutely everything, but if there was even one moment of a chance I could make that better for her, for my family.... I had to try.

I tried to plan as I ran. To figure out where she was, what she was doing, if there was any way I could help at all. As I wondered, we neared our home. I was waiting for the familiar smells of the building to creep up on me, when I was assailed by a new, wholely unpleasant, repulsive odor. Recognition flared in my brain, but I refused to believe it.

I glanced at my family. Everyone smelled it, but Carlisle glanced quickly at me and nodded.

As we neared closer, foreign minds began springing up in my awareness, and the things they were saying were not at all pleasant. Apparently, the had smelled us too.

_Murderers..._ Their voices seemed to merge together as one, reverberating with anger.

_Bloodsuckers... dangerous... deadly._

Realization was beginning to dawn on me as my family broke into the clearing.

Enormous, horse sized wolves. They stood in our clearing, facing my family, hackles raised, and snarling to match their thoughts. Three of them faced us, but we could all hear at least two more in the woods.

_I should've... could've stopped... wasn't there....how DARE he....Bella...._ one voice split off from the single mind of the rest. The thoughts sounded vaguely familiar to me, and I searched the faces of the wolves present. A large russet wolf stared at me with large black eyes as the tenor of his mind settled more comfortably in my memory, and I could not stop the gasp of shock that escaped me.

"Jacob...Black?"

His lips pulled over his teeth dangerously, snarling, as he lunged for me.

_**------------------------------**_

_**Just a little bit of disclaimer here. It's been almost a year since I started this story, and I do apologize for the hiatus, but I obviously do intend to work on it and complete it as originally intended :D**_

**_Now, as for Edward's point of view, I'm sure there are a few people who are less than thrilled about that. I know Twilight was written primarily in Bella's point of view. However, this story is my adaptation of what New Moon would have been had Victoria reached Bella on the cliff. In doing so, most elements of the original story will be there, just in a different setting. Also, Edward's point of view in this immediate case is more relative to the story than Bella's. Don't worry, we will get back to Bella, I promise :)._**

_**As always, thanks again for the favorites/alerts/reviews. They make me smile.**_

_**And as always, I don't own any of these characters at all.  
**_


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